that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
