Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
