i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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