Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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