where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
