she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
