My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
