At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
