honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
