Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
