My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
whose ass print is on the piano?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
