Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
