Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i'm inner monologue high
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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