Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
