I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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