i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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