I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
