I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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