She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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