I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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