my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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