Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
