lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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