Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
