my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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