i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
