So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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