Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
