i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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