nut hugger
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
