Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
