If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think people are normalizing furries
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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