I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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