we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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