the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
