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• (317): View more from Indiana

  ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.

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• (818): View more from California

  Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning

  (334): View more from Alabama

  ...did you just create a word for what we did?

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• (925): View more from California

  I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.

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