operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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