First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
