I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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