She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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