His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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