I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
