Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
