I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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