just tell him i said nine months
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have post one night stand depression
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
