vagina is talking i cant
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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