got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My balls are so social today.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize