That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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