There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
