They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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