mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
