genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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