I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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