We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
