shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
