they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
