so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
