it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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