i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
worst night to have a conscience
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
