just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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