I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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