as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Less talking, more tequila
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
