so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
