STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
