remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
