I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
