the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???