She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
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She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....