They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room