she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.