We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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