I heard we made out
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
