her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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