You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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