The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
