I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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