Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
