I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
