I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How does one acquire holy water?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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