don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
