Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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