Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
