the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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