She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
