how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
